In these heady days leading to the Summer Games, many “foreign friends” in China and would be visitors are perplexed be the sudden difficulties in obtaining and extending their visas. Indeed, China’s crackdown and imitation of the US Government’s visa policies seems an illogical strategy for a nation on the verge of her debutante ball, even more so when inflation seems almost solely propelled by lusty visions of foreign visitors paying 40 RMB (~5.50 USD) for a cup of swill-piss coffee. Nevertheless, there are rules and conventions in every culture and nation, and with China so eager to enforce hers, international friends should bone up on a more “native” approach to red tape and visa paperwork. Herein lies the soundest advice I can give for anyone who approaches one of the low, laminate countertops that shield the forces of the Chinese bureaucracy: you need yin for yang, something to slake the thirst of the inexplicable administrative madness going on behind those counters. You’ve accepted the mission, now your secret weapon? MY CLEAR BAG.

“Business. School. Home.
Collection Information. Communication.
Shopping. Driving. Playing. Presentation.”

Helpful suggestions for its use are printed right on top of this “simple” document folder. Your lucky amulet comes in five pastel colors, each one bearing a white printed grid, the above “poem” outlining its function, and that discriminating title, those three conspicuous words: MY CLEAR BAG.

If life were a video game, MY CLEAR BAG would be the weapon that you buy with accumulated coins, or the talisman you steal from some dead guy. But, thankfully, this is China, a peaceful nation with some special socialist tendencies, and there are plenty for all! In a nation that loves homogeneity and inconspicuous behavior as much as China, there is no better tool to help you blend in. You can––and you should––buy one from your corner store.

Traditional Chinese philosophy stresses balance: bringing down the heat, restoring harmony. My Clear Bag is your antidote, your leverage for confronting an incomprehensible and opaque Ministry of Foreign Affairs. Imagine the brutalist monoliths that are Beijing’s governmentbuildings, imaging what is tucked behind those endless rows of black windows; the bureaus and the leaders that survey them, the constantly changing rules they make and break. Imagine now My Clear Bag––it is in your hand as you approach one of the many service counters that breech the Ministry with the comparably prostrate public––you use it to approach the human face of this bureaucracy. Your face is forgettable, and probably not as symmetrically pleasing as the My Clear Bag you carry. Place it unassumingly on the desk and revel in its purpose and its methodology: it is transparent, and compact, its function is obvious, self-explanatory, intuitive. It stands in diametric opposition to all of the nastiness inside. Your officer picks it up for inspection. Nestled inside your Clear Bag, nothing can be lost, nothing will fall through the cracks.

Simply the sight of My Clear Bag unconsciously brings peace to whomever you encounter behind the desk, just as a cool cucumber soothes the fires of a spicy hot pot, it calms the soul of this officer. In contrast to their life “within the machine”, the rules of My Clear Bag are simple and easy to follow, and they do not change seasonally with campaigns nor with national holidays. Protocol is obvious and perfunctory. Of course, Everyone’s Clear Bag is exactly the same, with no exceptions. Unlike that Audi A6 with mandatory leather-seats and a quilted tissue box on the dashboard that may or may not be parked outside of the building, there is no “VIP” Clear Bag. No, there is one bag for all, at one price, and with limited variations––that Clear Bag of mine is a tested, true classic model of Marxist socialism.

Of course, the contents My Clear Bag can vary. At more “official” times such as border crossings their contents should include your passport, little stacks of I.D. photos paper-clipped together and––as any experienced My Clear Bag operator should know––photocopies of each document. These contents are stacked in ascending or descending order of importance, depending on your mission. Larger assignments (applying for a Chinese university) would do well to include a typed table of contents.

Approaching any counter á la My Clear Bag is to say in a nonverbal language that you are a law-abiding, trustworthy candidate. It becomes the missing semiotic link between your inevitable success and your visa officer. By toting My Clear Bag, you are demonstrating highly prized values of “healthy thought”: you revere simplicity, you are well organized and respectful of your opportunity to inquire about a little visa from the big bureaucracy. You don’t fly ahead of that flock, and don’t worry, no one’s going to sacrifice you to scare the monkeys. You also know the virtues of being economical, because you bought My Clear Bag for 1.5RMB. This bag can truly change your life.

Extremely valuable advice! Who knew that all I needed to restore harmony to my life was MY CLEAR BAG???!!! But now that I no longer live in China, how will I obtain MCB? Have you thought about starting an export business?

Wonderful, witty post!

And all this time I though the Dang An Dai was the way to go… Transparency triumphs over the zhirrr!

Dear Lee,

I think you’ve hit upon something here: the MCB as an icon of our age, a weapon in the struggle against ITCB (International and Transcontinental Bureaucracy), a cheap and effective antidote to ICFA (I-Can’t-Find-Anything-itis).

And let us not forget that cousin to the MCB, the CPH/OVA , a My Clear Bag for Chinese Passport Holders/Overseas Visa Applicants. This type of MCB typically holds reams of documentation needed to prove that you simply want to travel overseas and see the sights, and are not in fact an immigration risk. (Alas, if your destination is the United States, you may need to buy a bigger MCB).

The only problem I’ve encountered with MCBs is their similarity to WMD: I know I’ve got a few lying around the house, but try as I might, I just can’t seem to locate them. Or maybe they were never here in the first place…

Oh, little sister you weave an erudite view describing a complex world of human condition and illusion. Proud of you!

Oh Anjing! Can’t believe you finally wrote a paper on MCB. I remember you, being so well organized and clean on your side of the room, with your MCB in the second drawer of your desk, right under the med one. I remember felling lousy and messy without a MCB to hold on to and then, finally taking the decision of spending a 1.5 RMB to realize my dream of being well organized too. I still have it but it is sleeping in a drawer at home, with souvenirs of that year in BJ in it. I will be back in China in October and will then buy a whole bunch to put the traveling paperworks and other stuff for my job, so that I can think of you each time I see and use one of those wonderfully useful chinese piece of plastic!

Loved your article! Keep up the good work!